


Begin Again.

by AuroraBites



Category: Big Little Lies (TV)
Genre: Adult Content, F/F, Female Relationships, Nicole Kidman - Freeform, Reese Witherspoon - Freeform, Sexual Content, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-17 13:44:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17561516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraBites/pseuds/AuroraBites
Summary: Good can come from bad, Madeline had proved that to Celeste.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I post at 3am because I'm trash, so pardon any and all typos and grammar issues. I apologize.

Something was missing. She wasn't quite sure what exactly it was, but something in her life was missing. Something important. That much she was sure. It was a constant nagging feeling, a hole, that Madeline McKenzie had been living with for awhile. She hated it. She fucking hated it. Nothing seemed to make it go away, which drove her insane. Because its not like she didn't try to fill that unknown void in her life, she tried so hard. But that was the issue, it was unknown. She didn't what was missing, she didn't know how to fix this feeling that she had. All she knew what something in her life was missing, something wasn't right.   
It started when she was with Nathan. If she were being honest, she knew from the start that the relation ship wasn't right for her. It was messy and complicated, they were young and naive, but it was passionate so she stayed. Madeline liked passion. And the passion was enough to dull the hole of whatever was missing. Then she had Abigail and dove into motherhood. Life was good, and the nagging feeling wasn't so nagging anymore. She was happy.  
But then Nathan left, and the feeling came back stronger then ever. Madeline struggled awhile until she found Ed. He was good man and was funny and charming. They got married and settled down and she had another beautiful daughter, Chloe. She became a stay at home mom and focused her life on raising her kids and being a wife. She loved her family. She was happy again. But the feeling was still there. She was happy but something still wasn't right.  
Madeline needed more. More of something, more of anything. Just more. So she start ed volunteering at the theater. She poured all her passion and energy into producing the play Avenue Q. Well, there was also the minor affair she had with Joseph but she stood by the lie of that being nothing, especially since it was no help with the damn nagging feeling. Truth be told, that was the only reason she obsessed over Nathan so much, when she was with him the feeling dulled the most. Not because she was in love with him, god no. Nothing dulled the feeling like him.  
Well, until now that is. Now there was one thing that dulled it more. More then just dulled actually. She almost wanted to say that it made the feeling completely go away, but she couldn't because she didn't know what it would mean. But what Madeline did know was when she was with Celeste things changed. In a good way...she thinks.   
Since Perrys death, Madeline spent alot of time with Celeste to make sure she was okay. Like, alot of time...she hovered over her really. She made sure to check on Jane too but Jane insisted she was okay, that in the end she had gotten what she wanted all along: her monster gone. Which Madeline felt was a tad extreme but she couldn't imagine being in Jane's shoes so she didn't judge. As long as her friend was okay, thats all she really cared about. Which Jane insisted she was and Madeline believed her. Jane seemed more relaxed these days.  
Celeste, however, was Madeline's main concern. Madeline always saw Perry and Celeste as the perfect couple. Whenever she saw the two they were always handsy and lovey with one another. Celeste would say that he was such an amazing man and an even more amazing father. It broke her heart to find out that it was a lie, that he was actually an abusive asshole. Madeline wished she would have known soon, she wished she could have help Celeste. The woman deserved the world, and more.  
Celeste was the definition of perfection, and Madeline would fight anyone that said otherwise. Celeste was the most beautiful woman to probably exist, every man in Monterrey proved her right since every head turned the moment she would walk in the door. Celeste was strong and incredibly smart, she was compassionate and gentle, she had this smile that would light up your life, and the cutest contagious laugh. Everything was better when Celeste was around. Like she said, Celeste was perfect.   
Madeline let out a soft sigh before taking a sip of her Pino Grigio wine as she stared out at the crashing waves in front of her, letting her mind wounder.  
"Everything okay?"  
Madeline turned to the voice behind her and forced a smile.  
"I'm fine Ed, just thinking."  
"About?"  
"Celeste.."  
Ed slowly nodded, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans and standing next to his wife. "You've been spending alot of time with her since the accident, she doing okay?"  
"Shes hanging in, I just worry about her."  
"I know honey, its just going to take her some time ya know?" He said kissing Madelines head.  
"I should go check on her...I haven't heard from her today.."  
"Honey. I'm sure shes fine. She's probably just spending some time with the kids."  
"She hasn't even texted Ed, I should make sure shes okay."  
"Didn't she just get coffee with you and Jane yesterday morning...?"  
"So?"  
Ed put his hands up in defeat. "Fine.."  
Madeline sighed. She could tell that it wasn't fine and Ed was just biting his tongue to avoid a fight or upsetting her. "What..?"  
He shakes his head. "Nothing, go check on Celeste.."  
Madeline paused. She knew she should stay and talk to him. She also knew exactly what he was going to say. He was going to tell her that she likes broken people and that's why she spends so much time with Celeste. He would point out that she spent almost too much time with Celeste and not enough time at home. He would tell her that he was feeling neglected...yet again..and the two of them needed to spend some time together and repair their relationship. And he was right. Madeline knew he was right. She paused, almost giving in. Only almost. But not quite. She rolled her eyes slightly before setting her wine glass down on the kitchen counter and grabbing her purse.   
Madeline dialed Celeste's number as she pulled out of the drive way, slowly forgetting about all the problems with her and Ed and letting her friend take over her thoughts.  
"Hello?"  
The soft sweet voice on the other end of the phone instantly made Madeline smile from ear to ear. "Hey Sweetie! Whatcha doing?"  
"Hey Madeline..uh, nothing. I just put a movie on for the boys and poured myself a glass of wine."   
"Wanna pour a second glass maybe?"  
Celeste softly chuckled. "I would love to. See you soon." 

Madeline and Celeste sat outside drinking and laughing. Madeline had lost count of what number glass of wine she was on and was laughing so hard she forgot what exactly they were laughing at. They were by no means drunk just...happy. Celeste took a deep breath to calm herself from to laughter and stared out at the water. Madeline took this moment to study her friend. She like to read Celeste, see what her body language and facial expressions and eyes would tell her. Celeste wasn't the most honest person when it came to what she was feeling so Madeline would have to try and figure it out for herself.   
Celeste looked...lost. She wasn't sure if it was pain that she saw in the woman's beautiful blue eyes but it certainly wasn't a positive feeling. Her heart hurt everything she looked at her friend. Madeline wanted nothing more then to take the pain away and make everything better. Celeste deserved nothing but the best in life, Madeline couldn't for the life of her understand why she had to go through this.   
"Are you okay Celeste...?" Madeline asked softly.  
Celeste turned to look and Madeline and softly smiled. "I'm fine."  
"Sweetie..."  
Celeste looked down at her wine before taking a sip. She reminded quiet for a long moment, so long that Madeline thought she was going to ignored the question. But then she spoke. It was softer then her usual voice, almost a whisper, and she avoided making any kind of eye contact. Madeline knew Celeste was being serious and honest.   
"I don't know. I have moments of relief. Where I realize I no longer have to live in fear, I no long have to spend hours in front of the mirror making sure every cut and bruise is covered, where I realize I'm safe and free. Then I have moments where I realize my children have lost their dad, the man I once considered the love of my life is gone." Celeste forced a soft chuckle and wiped her tears away. "The love of my life...it seems so silly to refer to him as that.."  
Madeline placed her hand on Celeste knee to offer her comfort. "Honey, its not silly at all, whatever you feel is okay. It was a complicated relationship, it makes sense that your grief is complicated as well."  
"The love of your life shouldn't nearly kill you on a daily basis..."  
Madeline felt herself blinking back tears. "No..no he definitely should not..."  
"He wasn't always like that though. He really was a gentle man in the beginning. Caring and loving and sweet. I guess I just kept thinking he would change, he would go back to the man I fell in love with. I could make it work. I had to, for the kids. But..."  
"But no one deserves to go what you went through Celeste. No one, especially you. God sweetie, you don't even know how incredible you are. You can sit here and make all the excuses in the world for him. Saying he was a good man once and that he was a good father, and I'm sure he was at one point, But he isn't anymore and nothing will excuse what he did to you. What he did to Jane. You can sit here and mourn the man you married and mourn Josh and Max's father but don't you dare mourn Perry. He doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve you. You are everything that is good in the world Celeste, don't let him dull your shine."   
There was a silence between them, Celeste looked at Madeline with tears swelling in her blue eyes. Madeline started to worry she had said too much, she had crossed a line. She was about to apologize was she noticed a smile starting to take hold of Celeste's lips. She could feel herself relax immediately. Oh thank god, she didn't fuck anything up. Madeline knew she didn't always say the right thing, and the last thing she wanted to do right now was push Celeste away. However, it seemed as if she did the exact opposite.  
Celeste moved closer to Madeline, laying her thin slender figure again the blondes and resting her head snug against her shoulder, letting out a soft content sigh. "I cannot put into words how grateful I am for you Madeline."  
Madeline smiled, gently kissing Celeste head. In the moment, her heart had never felt more full.


	2. Sleepover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short and probably poorly written so apologies. i just need to post this so i can get the next part, chapter 3 will be good and gay and make up for this shit, promise. also, friendly reminder that im trash and only post at ungodly hours. like 2am. so sorry for any and all grammar/spelling fuck ups. i love you.

Celeste slowly fluttered her eyes opened, confused as to why she was waking up outside. She began to sit up and realized that she had fallen asleep while her and Madeline were talking outside. Which would also explain why Madeline was asleep next to her. Celeste couldn't help but smile at the sight of her sleeping best friend. She looked like Sleeping Beauty. A part of her wanted to wake up her so she would be able to return home to Ed, who she could only assume was worried about her. However a bigger part of her wanted to lay against her again and go back to sleep.  
As silly as it may sound, that was the best sleep Celeste had gotten in awhile. She knew she hadn't been asleep for long but it felt nice not being alone, waking up with someone next to her. Even if that someone was Madeline. Her and Perry had been together so long that the bed felt empty with just her in it. Being alone was well...different to say the least.  
Celeste had many mixed feelings about losing Perry. There was a lot of heart ache. She loved him, there was no denying that. He was her husband and they had shared so much together, been through so much together. However, the Perry she had fallen madly in love with she had lost long before his death. And that was the Perry she mourned for. But the heart ache she felt now was for her boys and the loss of their father. The man might have turned into a terrible husband to her but he was always a good father to the twins. It pained her that they would have to grow up without a father now.  
Celeste also felt a wave of relief, she could finally breathe again. She was safe. No more constantly checking the mirrors everywhere she went to make sure her make up was still covering her bruises and marks. No more jumping at random noises or movement. No more worrying about one wrong commented resulting in abuse. No more lying about where she was going or feeling about what she was doing. Just no more. She was free.  
Celeste had moments of sadness and moments of hope. It was a roller coaster of emotions. A lot of the time she didn't know how to process it or how to handle it so she found herself isolating herself. Or at least trying to. Madeline didn't really allow her to. Which Celeste honestly appreciated. One of the things about Madeline is she didn't always know what to say in a situation so she would just ramble. That quality in her friend was one Celeste had always loved, she found Madeline's rambles of conversations funny and actually quite cute. But she loved them even more right now.  
Celeste didn't know how to talk about Perry right now. She was starting to warm up to talking about the abuse but she found it difficult to talk about his death. Not for emotional reasons, but simply because she wasn't quite sure how to explain what she was feeling or going through. So if she didn't even know, how was she suppose to explain it to everyone else. Because most people just had endless questions for her. But Madeline never pressured her to talk, or asked a bunch of questions, or anything. She was just there. Whether it was for coffee, or gossip, or yoga, or wine or a hug and even a shoulder to cry on. Madeline was there.  
Celeste had always appreciated Madeline's friendship, but this was a whole new level. She was touched by the amount of love and support she was getting. Though she did try to isolate herself, truth be told Celeste didn't want to be alone. So she really didn't know what she would do without Madeline. Madeline kept her smiling, kept her laughing, kept her happy. She made her feel stable and hopeful, when Madeline was around, Celeste knew everything was going to be okay.  
Celeste took a moment to take in the image of Madeline peacefully sleeping and couldn't help but smile. She pulled the blanket the was draped on the back of couch down and laid it out on top of them. She was going to be selfish tonight and keep Madeline to herself. If Ed was upset that his wife did't return home then she would apologize and take the blame. But until then, she was going to take advantage of her time with Madeline. Celeste laid the blanket over the two of them and cuddled back up to her. She laid her head back against Madeline shoulder and felt the blonde put her arms around her and gently pull her closer. Celeste smiled big. This was definitely something she could get used to. 

Madeline yawned and stretched her arms as she began to wake up. Oh god, she was still at Celeste. Had the redhead not looked so peaceful and content sleeping against her, she would have felt bad. She smiled and carefully moved a strand of hair from her friends face. Madeline panicked as Celeste started to wake up. Whoops.  
"Mmm, good morning.." She said softly.  
Madeline smiled at her soft, sleepy morning voice. "Good morning."  
"I hope you weren't too uncomfortable last night, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you..."  
"I actually slept great"  
"Oh good! Do you want me to make you some coffee?"  
Madeline shook her head. "That's okay sweetie. I should probably head home, I'm sure Ed is wondering where I am. I can hear him over thinking from here."  
Celeste smiled and softly chuckled. "Sorry about that, you can tell him I held you hostage."  
Madeline chuckled and kissed Celeste's cheek. "Nothing to be sorry for sweetie. Text me later, okay?"  
Celeste nodded and watch the blonde leave. She couldn't help but smile to herself, in that moment she felt genuinely happy.

_____

Madeline stood in front of her bathroom mirror, wiping away her make up as she glanced down at her phone for one hundredth time. She hadn't heard from Celeste since she had left her house early that morning. She was worried. She kept telling herself that it was nothing, which it most likely was, but she couldn't help but worry. She reached from her phone to text her but stopped herself, letting a sigh escape her lips. She was being too much, she needed to chill. 

"She's fine Madeline." Ed said from the bed room. She could hear the annoyance in his voice.  
"I know..."  
"Do you? Because you've been watching your phone for the past hour."  
"No I haven't."  
"You have."  
"Well I'm suppose to hear from her and I haven't. It is a little concerning."  
"Honey, she's fine. Just come to bed."  
Madeline nodded, pulling back the covers to the bed and laying down next to Ed. He leaned over and kisses her cheek before turning off the light. "Good night." 

Madeline's phone started ringing in the middle of the night. She looked at the time and groaned. 1:34am. What the fuck. "Ignore it." She heard Ed mumble from the other side of the bed. Half awake she grabbed her cell phone and pressed the green button. "Hello...?"  
Madeline quickly sat up in a panic. "What?! Is she okay?!....yeah, I'll be right there!"  
"Whats going on?" Ed asked worried, seeing his wife frantically changing out of her pajamas to get ready to leave.  
"Celeste is in the hospital."


	3. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> typical obnoxious reminder thats im trash and its 2am. so sorry for any and all fuck ups. but enjoy.

Madeline couldn't breathe. She felt as though she was holding her breath and that her heart was going to pound out of her chest she was so scared. She had to get to Celeste, she had to make sure she was okay. That's all she could think about. The short phone conversation she had gotten earlier replayed in her mind. 'Is this Madeline MacKenzie?" "This is Monterrey Bay Hospital, there's been an incident, we have Celeste Wright here." Her eyes filled with tears. She rushed through the hallways of the hospital, desperately looking for a nurses desk. Jesus, how big was this damn place?!   
Finally! Madeline rushed up to the hospital desk. "Hi, I'm here to see Celeste Wright." The young brunette nurse looked up from the paperwork she had been focused on and immediately gave Madeline her full attention. "You must be Madeline?" She nodded. "Right this way." The nurse walk around from behind the desk to show Madeline to the room. "How is she?! Is she okay?! Is she in any pain?! How bad is it?!" Madeline spat out question after question as she followed the nurse down the hall. "She's okay. The pain seems to be over. She's just resting right now. We're keeping her over night just as a safety precaution to keep an eye on her but she looks to be recovering well." They stopped in front of the last door to the right. "Here she is, feel free to stay as long as you like." The nurse said with a small smile before walking back to the desk.   
Madeline slowly walked in, feeling a lump build in her throat as she held back her tears. It was hard for her not to cry at the sight. Celeste looked so small and fragile laying in a hospital bed. It was so strange to see. She was one of the strongest people Madeline had ever met, it didn't seem right to see her like this. "Hey..." Madeline said softly, standing beside the bed.   
"Hey, thanks for coming.."  
"Of course sweetie. You okay? Can I get you anything?"  
Celeste shook her head and gave a small smile. "I'm fine."  
Madeline let out a sigh and looked at the redhead sadly. "Celeste..."  
"It was just a miscarriage..."  
"Just a miscarriage?! Honey, that doesn't sound like a minor thing."  
"Madeline, I'm fine."  
"Did you know you were...?"  
"I had no clue."  
"Do they know why it happened?"  
"They said it could have been a couple different things..."  
"...Perry...?"  
Celeste looked down with tears forming in her eyes and slowly nodded. Madeline's heart immediately shattered. She still had so many questions, so many things she wanted to know more about and understand. But her main question was how? How could someone do this to Celeste? How could someone look at someone so sweet and so beautiful and precious and purposely hurt them and bring them pain? Madeline just didn't understand. She looked at Celeste and just wanted to take all her pain and suffering away. God she would give anything to fix everything for her.   
"I uh-I've also had a lot of fertility issues in the past as well. My body doesn't handle pregnancy well. So I'm sure that had something to do with it as well."  
"You've had issues in the past?"  
Celeste nodded in response. "Before the twins I um, I had four miscarriages."  
"Oh sweetie..." Madeline said down on the bed and took Celeste hands into hers and kissed them, Celeste couldn't help but smile, giving the blondes hands a gentle squeeze. "I'm really really glad you're here..."   
"I'll always be here for you, any time and any where." Madeline smiled and put her hand against Celeste's cheek, who immediately leaned into her touch. Madeline wiped Celeste's tears away with her thumb.   
There was a knock on the door and both women turned to see a nurse walking in. She was different then the one before but looked sweet enough. Madeline didn't think anything of it until she looked over at Celeste and saw how uneased she seemed. "Sorry to interrupt, I'm just here to do a quick check up." Madeline nodded and got up from the bed to give the nurse space to do whatever she needed to do the check on Celeste but carefully watched.   
"Any pain?"  
Celeste shook her head. "No, I'm fine."  
"Any more bleeding."  
Celeste shook her head again. "No, none."  
"Mind if I check?"  
"I'm fine, really."  
The nurse gave Celeste a worried looked.  
"If I have anymore I'll let you know, I promise."  
The nurse nodded and placed a small paper cup of pills on the table next to the bed. "In case you have any discomfort or pain." Celeste nodded.   
"I'll be here all night so I'll keep an eye on her." Madeline said. The nurse nodded and left.  
"What was that about?" Madeline asked as soon as the door shut.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You were short with her. Why wouldn't you let her check on you? Are you bleeding? Is something wrong?"  
"No, I really am fine."  
"Celeste..."  
"I didn't want her to see my bruises.."  
"You're bruises? From Perry?" Madeline asked confused.  
Celeste looked away with tears.  
"He died a month ago....Celeste, if you still have bruises then..."  
"They're fainted but still noticeable, I just didn't want her asking questions or giving me looks. I already had to explain it to the last nurse, I don't want to do it again."  
Madeline took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her blonde hair, trying to keep herself calm. Perry died a month ago and Celeste still had bruises from him, which meant the abuse was bad. Real bad. Celeste never went into detail about what happened between them and Madeline never asked. She assumed the question would cross a line and it was obvious that Celeste wasn't very comfortable talking about it, so Madeline left it alone and just made assumptions. However, she wasn't quite sure she could keep doing it now.   
"You've made it pretty clear that you don't like talking about Perry, and even more clear that you really don't like talking about what he did to you. And I respect that, so if you don't want to answer then fine, you don't have to. But I have to ask now, and I would really appreciate if you would be honest with me Celeste." Madeline said softly, tears forming in her eyes as she talked. This time, she didn't try to hide them or wipe them away. "Sweetie...how bad was it...?"  
Celeste stayed silent for a long moment. Madeline was starting to think she wasn't going to answer the question. Tears streamed down the redheads cheeks. She took a shaky breath before wiping them away and finally speaking. "Bad.." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper that was hard to hear. "It was really bad.."  
"Did you ever think he was going to..."  
Celeste nodded as tears started pouring from her eyes. "Yeah...more then once..."  
"Oh my god Celeste..." Madeline put her hand over her mouth and finally allowed herself to cry.   
"I was going to leave I swear, I was trying, I was going to leave him."  
Madeline walked to the side of the bed. "Scoot over, you're hogging the bed.."  
Celeste couldn't help but smiled and chuckle. Leave it to Madeline to find a way to lighten the mood in any situation. She moved over so Madeline had enough room to lay down in bed with her, which she wasted no time doing. The blonde immediately got into bed and wrapped her arms around the other woman and pulled her close, kissing her head several times. "You're fucking incredible Celeste, truly incredible."  
Celeste smiled and blushed at the words spoken to her. She had never really thought that highly of herself but when Madeline complimented her, she almost believed her. Madeline complimented her constantly and so effortlessly, like when she said them they weren't even compliments, they were facts. She found a way to work them into almost every conversation so casually. Madeline had always been her biggest supporter, her number one fan, and the cheerleader of her life. She didn't know what she would do if she didn't have the blonde by her side.   
"Were you and Perry trying for another baby...?" Madeline asked softly as she gently ran her fingers up and down Celeste's arm.  
"God no! Well...he wanted one, I didn't."  
"Is that one of the things you would fight about?"  
"No, I didn't even really take the topic seriously when he brought it up. It was after one of our big fights...you know, those kind of fights...Perry would always get very clingy and extra affectionate after he hurt me, so I just figured it was him talking out of guilt."  
"So he bruises you and then tries to suck up to you by getting you pregnant?!"  
"Yeah I guess so..."  
"What a fucking asshole!"  
Celeste laughed. "Madeline..."  
"Sorry but its true. He was delusional!"  
"I can't argue with that."  
"He doesn't deserve your babies. If you want a baby I'll get your pregnant." Madeline said with a chuckle.  
Celeste laughed harder, which made Madeline smile.  
"And how would you do that..?!"  
"I don't know. Science? Its 2019, there's gotta be something out there."  
Celeste kept laughing. "I appreciate the offer but I think I'm going to pass."  
"Suit yourself..."  
They spent the rest of the night talking. They talked about anything and everything. Celeste told Madeline more about Perry. She opened up more about the love and abuse between them, and how she had been seeing and therapist who convinced her to get an apartment. She tried to explain the thoughts the kept her staying and hoping for the man she married to return, and the feelings she felt for the monster that died that night. In return, Madeline opened up about her sadly failing marriage with Ed and the complicated one she had with Nathan. She explained how she felt something with her wasn't right and how she had gone through life trying to figure out what she was missing her her life. After the hours of serious conversation they switched to joking around and laughing to lighten the mood. Madeline had brought up her affair again, which she still refused to actually call it that and insisted that he forced himself upon her. Which, like always, sent Celeste into a laughing fit. Somewhere in the middle of the laughing and teasing, they both fell asleep, Celeste still safely wrapped in Madeline's arms.

____

There was not enough caffeine in the world for Madeline to consume right now. She had already chugged two cups before meeting Jane and she still wasn't feeling fully awake. She huffed as she plopped down in her seat at the cafe. "Tom, can you bring whatever has the most espresso in it?" He looked over and smiled at the two women sitting in their usual window seat outside. "Coming right up. And for you Jane?"  
"I'll just have my regular, thanks Tom."  
"Yes, Thanks Tom."  
"Long night?" Jane asked, turning her attention to Madeline.  
"Very."  
"Did something happen with Ed?"  
"No, Celeste."  
"Celeste? You were with Celeste all night?"  
"Yeah."  
"Is she doing okay?"  
"Celeste...um, Celeste had a miscarriage last night.."  
"Oh my god! Poor things! I didn't even know she was pregnant!"  
"Yeah, she didn't either."  
"How is she? Is she okay?"  
"I think so? She's doing her best to keep her head up but..." Madeline shook her head as she fought back the tears that were forming in her eyes. "She's just been through so much, I don't understand why life just keeps throwing shit at her...its just so fucking unfair."  
"Hey..." Jane placed her hand over Madeline's. "Celeste is a strong person, she'll get through it. She'll be okay."  
"I know, I just worry about her..."  
Jane nodded. She was silent for a moment before finally speaking up.  
"Hey-can I ask you something?"  
"Of course you can sweetie."  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but do you think that maybe...you feel for Celeste in you know, a romantic way?"  
Madeline looked at Jane confused. "I'm not following..."  
"Okay, well, hear me out. When I first met you, you seemed pretty fixated on Nathan and now you never talk about him. You don't seem very happy with Ed and well, you haven't really tried repairing things with him. At least not that you've mentioned. You're just consumed with Celeste. Which, don't get me wrong, isn't a bad thing. You're clearly helping her a lot. You just-seem to care about her a lot, in kind of a more then friends kind of way..."  
Madeline was quiet for a moment, really thinking over what Jane had said. Was Jane right? If she was being honest, it made sense. Madeline has been feeling that something was missing in her life for so long, but when she was with Celeste the feeling was gone. She felt complete with Celeste, she felt like herself, she felt genuinely happy. Everything in her life was right when Celeste was around. Madeline had always found Celeste to be perfect. Perfect looks, perfect brain, perfect heart. Just so unbelievably perfect. She was the sun her life.   
"Oh my god! I'm in love with Celeste!" Madeline nearly shrieked.   
Jane eyes widened. "I was thinking more of a crush but okay."  
Both women paused their conversation as Tom placed their drinks in front of them. "Alright..if you need anything else just let me know." Jane smiled and nodded. Tom took a step to walk away but turned back to the two of them. "Its not that hard to tell by the way." Jane and Madeline turned to him. Jane smiled and softly chuckled, knowing what he was talking about. Of course Madeline looked confused, not understanding what he meant. "You and Celeste. I think you should go for it." He said with a smile before walking back inside.   
"Shit.." Madeline groaned and ran her fingers through her hair.   
Jane shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. "He's right.."  
"He is not Jane!"   
"Oh come on..." She chuckled.   
"I am a married woman!"  
"So? It didn't stop you before..."  
Madeline glared at Jane for a moment before softly chucking. She was right, couldn't argue with that. Knowing it was wrong never stopped her from doing it. She was more over the do first, think later type. Or rather think, do anyways, and think about it even more.   
"You're happiest when you're with her right?"  
Madeline nodded.   
"Then its worth a shot, don't you think?"  
"Celeste isn't interested in me...or women."  
"I wouldn't be so sure. Just try. Ask her out. Take her somewhere special. Make a small move. Something."  
Madeline sighed and took a sip of coffee. "Maybe.."


	4. Cliffs Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its 1:30am instead of 3am so I'm not total trash, but still trash. This definitely isn't the best chapter but its leading to the gay good good so bare with me. I just wanted to update to make sure everyone knows I'm alive and haven't forgotten about our gay moms. soooo, that being said. I present the next chapter. as per use, sorry for any and all typos and fuck ups. enjoy.

Madeline was a very jealous person, though she would never admit it. She had about twenty excuses lined up that she would use to cover when she was, and would deny it until she was blue in the face. But she was, she was a very jealous person. So sitting at the cafe, watching some random man she had never seen before flirt with Celeste was torture. She mindlessly stirred the spoon in her coffee mug as she stared at the scene playing out at the front door. She wasn't sure exactly how long this nonsense had been going on for but she was sure that it was too long.   
"Madeline...?.....Madeline....?"  
Hearing her named being repeated, the blonde finally snapped out of her gaze.  
"Hmm?"  
"Did you hear anything I just said?" Jane asked her.  
"No, sorry sweetie, I zoned out. Can you say it again?"  
Jane followed Madeline's gaze to see what her friend had been so focused on. She let out a soft chuckled. "Oh I get it now..."  
"Who even is he..?!"  
"New single dad I think? I've seen him dropping off his little boy at the school."   
"What can they even be talking about that's taking this long? I mean seriously, hes not that cute! Besides, how interesting can he be?!" Madeline said, almost offended.  
"I mean, he's kinda cute..."  
"Jane. Please."  
Jane chuckles. "You're jealous..."  
"I am not jealous."  
"Yes you are."  
"No, I just don't want Celeste wasting he time on some loser."  
"....when that time could be spent with you...?" Jane said teasingly.  
"That's not what I meant."  
"No...but its what you were thinking."  
Madeline shot Jane a glare in return.  
"Have you asked her out yet?"  
"We go out all the time."  
"Like on a date?"  
"Well...no.."  
"Madeline. Just do it, what do you have to lose?"  
"A lot actually."  
"But don't you have more to gain?"  
Before Madeline could answer Celeste walked over and sat down next to her. Madeline took the moment to think about what Jane had said. She had been so focused on all the things she could lose if she tried with Celeste and things went wrong that she never really considered what would happen if things worked out. Was it worth the risk? Was she worth the risk? Once again, Madeline was pulled from her thoughts when she heard Jane's voice.   
"So who was that?" Jane asked looking over Celeste.  
Celeste blushes at the question. "That was Eric. He moved here a couple weeks ago and has apparently seen me dropping the boys off at school and wanted to introduce himself to me."  
"That's sweet." Madeline said trying to sound supportive.  
"Yeah...he wants to get coffee with me next week."  
Jane and Madeline exchanged glances. "What did you say..?"  
"I told him that I would check my schedule and get back to him."  
Jane nodded. "He's cute. It could be a good trial date to see how you feeling about getting back out there."  
Celeste slowly nodded. "He is, but I'm not sure if he's what I'm looking for right now." She said as she looked over at Madeline.  
"So you're looking...?  
"More like open to possibilities I guess you could say."  
Both Jane and Madeline had a safe assumption to what that meant. If the words didn't give it away, the simple glance the redhead had given her friend sitting next to her did. Jane looked over at Madeline who was smiling at what Celeste had said. Or maybe the glances? Both? Either way a grin was painted on Madeline's pink lips, one she couldn't hide even though she was trying to best to do so. Maybe she would take the risk.  
"He seemed boring." Madeline said before taking a sip of coffee.  
The statement made both the girls laugh.   
"What? He did."  
"How could you tell?"  
"He just had a boring vibe. And honestly he wasn't that cute."  
Celeste rolled he eyes and chuckled.   
"I'm just trying to be honest and look out for you Celeste. That's all."  
Celeste smiled and shook her head before taking a sip of coffee. The three moms spent the next hour or so sipping their coffees and chatting about everything under the sun. Once their mugs were empty of the second round of coffee, they said their goodbyes and parted ways. Luckily for Madeline, Celeste had parked close to her so they walked to their cars together. She decided to take advantage of their brief alone time together.   
"Hey, what are you doing tomorrow evening?"  
Celeste shrugged. "Nothing special. Why?"  
"Would you want to go out and do something with me?"  
"Planning on trading your family in for a drink already?" Celeste said teasingly.  
Madeline softly chuckled and shook her head. "No, something different."  
"Different? Like what?"  
"Its a surprise. Just...dress nice. Well, you always dress nice. So just be you and I'll pick you up at 6 okay?"  
"Okay..."  
"It'll be fun sweetie, just trust me okay? I'll see you tomorrow." Madeline said with a smile before turning to go to her car.  
"What is it? Like some kind of date?" Celeste yelled after her.  
"Maybe." Madeline yelled back still walking to her car.   
Celeste paused, slightly confused as to what just happened. However she couldn't stop the smile that took hold of her lips. Did Madeline just ask her out on a date? And was she actually hoping that she did? Celeste turned to get into her car, still replaying what had just happened in her head, and still smiling about it.


	5. Call It What You Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there my dudes. Its me, ya trash girl, updating at 3am again. But as I promise, some good good. So enjoy some gay. And as always, sorry for any and all typos and errors. kthanks, love you!

Madeline walked by her mirror and stopped to triple checked her appearance, making sure not a single hair, eyelash, blush stroke, nothing, was out of place. She did a slow twirl to exam her outfit of choice, confirming to herself for the fourth time that it was the dress she wanted to go with. It was her date day with Celeste and she wanted to make sure everything was perfect, starting with how she looked. If she didn't leave the house confident in her look then she wouldn't have the confident state of mind for the rest of the night. Madeline smiled to herself in the mirror, approving of her look.  
"You look nice."  
Madeline turned to see Ed leaning in the door frame of their bedroom. "Oh, thank you."  
"I take it you're going out tonight?" Ed crossed his arms over his chest as he asked and Madeline knew the conversation that was starting was about to go in a bad direction. She had to stop herself from sighing in frustration. She wasn't in the mood for this right now. Not that she was ever in the mood to argue with Ed but she really wasn't in the mood for it right now. She didn't have time for Ed to pick a fight with her.  
"I am..."  
"Let me guess...you're going to see Celeste."  
"What do you have against Celeste?"  
"Nothing, she just seems to be taking up all your time now."  
"Taking up all my time?"  
"You're out with Celeste more then your here with me. When do I get to be a priority Madeline? When are we going to talk about things? Work on our marriage?"  
"Ed, that's not fair.."  
"No, what you're doing isn't fair Madeline."  
"She needs me!"  
"Does she?! Or do you need her?!"  
"Whats that suppose to mean?"  
"It means you seem to wait around for her and reach out to her more then she does to you."  
"I think you're over reacting Ed..."  
"And I feel like you're avoiding me."  
"Honey..."  
"No, don't 'honey' me. You leave almost every night Madeline. As soon as you put Chloe to bed you rush off to Celeste's house, you get coffee with her the next morning, and now you're spending evenings with her. She see's you more then I do. When do I get to spend time with you? When do we get to go out?"  
"We do..."  
"No, we don't."  
"Ed, I can't do this right now."  
"Then when Madeline? After you have your next affair and feel guilty over it?"  
Madeline froze. She caught her breath and could feel her heart stop. She had a feeling that Ed had suspected something after the Audrey and Elvis night, things were off between them. But after all the drama that went down that night, she thought it had just gotten swept under the rug. That and, well, he was right. She wasn't around. She was avoiding him. Partly to avoid this exact conversation that was happening and partly because, if she was to be honest, she rather spend time with Celeste then him. How sad was that, she would rather spend time with Celeste then the man she was married to.  
"Yeah, I know...I figured it out."  
Madeline looked down with tears filling her eyes. "Ed..."  
"I know, you have to go huh?"  
Madeline didn't say anything, keeping her eyes down to avoid looking into his.  
"Fine. Just answer me one thing: Are you happy with me?"  
She stayed silent for a long moment, not wanting to answer the question. She wanted so bad to say yes. He was good man, there was no question about it. Madeline never doubted that, she never doubt the love in his heart, for her and their family. She had always knew the problem was her. She hated the she was hurting him, and she hated herself for not being able to stop herself from doing so. Madeline took a deep breath, knowing she had to tell the truth. There was no point in lying now. Madeline slowly shook her head.  
"No.."  
Ed looked at her, clearly hurt, and slowly nodded before walking off. Madeline let a couple tears fall from her eyes before taking a deep breath to collect herself. She grabbed her purse and quickly rushed out to her car, not wanting to have another run in with Ed. She knew what she was doing was wrong. There was no denying it. She should call Celeste and cancel, she should spend the evening with Ed, she should sit down with him and be honest and truly talk to him. She knew that's what she needed to do. It was the right thing to do. But instead she was in her car, driving away from everything and running off to Celeste. Like she always did. But she couldn't help it, Celeste was her safe place. 

___________________________

Celeste checked the time again, 6:07. She was being impatient, she was trying not to be but she couldn't help it. She hadn't been on a date in so long. Well, it wasn't a date. It could be a date, she wanted it to be a date, but she was assuming it wasn't. Just to be safe.   
"Are you nervous mom?" Max asked, still keeping his eyes on his game.  
"Uh, no. Just excited to go out with Madeline. Why do you ask sweetie?" Celeste asked, ruffling her sons blonde hair.   
Max shrugged. "You just seem nervous. Like how you were when dad used to take you out after he was away at work for a long time."  
Celeste didn't know how to respond. She never would have imagined that either of her boys would notice something like that. Though she should have known better, Max was a smart kid, he caught on to a lot. Lucky for her, her almost response was interrupted by Madeline at the door. She got up and kissed Max and Josh on the head before grabbing he purse and rushing to the door. "Be good boys, I'll be back tonight." She called out.   
Celeste opened the door and smiled big when she saw Madeline standing in front of her wearing the dress she had gotten her. Though she had seen her wearing it before, it made her just as happy seeing her wear it now. It fit her perfectly and she looked so beautiful in it. "I love that dress on you." Celeste said as she gave Madeline a hug.   
"And you somehow managed to get even more beautiful since the last time I saw you. Seriously Celeste, that's enough. It was unfair before, now its just getting a little ridiculous."  
Celeste chuckled and blushed at Madeline's teasing compliment. "Are you going to tell me where we're going now?"  
"No Celeste, you're just going to have to wait and see. Now get in the car."

Celeste smiled and happily got into the car. It was hard for her to hide her excitement. She felt silly for being so excited about her evening with Madeline, she was sure she was making it a bigger deal then it really was, but she couldn't help. It felt nice to be cared for. This treatment wasn't coming from guilt or regret or manipulation, it was simply from the kindness of the heart. Someone cared for her and just wanted to show it. Celeste found it to be a refreshing change from what she had grown used to. No more diamonds to make up for bruises, just quality time together for smiles and laughs. And that to her was worth a lot more.   
After about a half hour of driving later, they finally pulled into the parking of the destination. The Monterrey Aquarium. Celeste looked out the window and smiled. "The Aquarium? I would have never guessed."  
"I thought it would be a nice change from our usual wine nights. Plus once a month they have a margarita night, which happens to be tonight."  
Celeste chuckled. "Of course it is."  
"I mean, we can go somewhere else if you would like sweetie."  
"No no no no." Celeste put her hand on Madeline's and gently squeezed it. "I love this, its perfect Madeline." The blonde smiled with relief. "Okay, good."  
The two walked in together and of course made it a point to get their drinks first before they started their adventure through the aquarium. With their margaritas now in hand, they headed to the first area. It started with a long hallway, each side fill of different kinds of fish and coral. The hallway lead to a large room which Madeline and Celeste slowly walked around sipping their margaritas as they looked around. It didn't take long for something to catch Celeste's eye. She seemed to be fascinated by the starfish, saying she liked the different colors they were. She stood gazing at them for a moment with a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "I like the pink ones, they reminds me of the little mermaid." Madeline said standing next to her. Celeste softly chuckled.  
"What? Have you not seen it? I mean, that makes sense, you have two boys. Chloe loves the little mermaid, she watched it for like a year straight."  
"Yes Madeline, I've seen it."  
"Do you think they have mermaids here...?"  
"Yeah, they're probably with the Lochness Monster."  
Madeline laughed and gently nudged her shoulder against Celeste's.   
They sipped their drinks some more and moved on to the next part of the aquarium, which Celeste got surprisingly excited about. The Stingray Encounter. The redhead quickly finished her margarita and threw the cup away so both her hands would be available. Madeline watched and quickly did the same. Celeste smiled big and grabbed Madeline's hand and lead them to the tank.   
"I didn't realized you like Stingrays so much."   
"Who doesn't like petting Stingrays?"  
Celeste reached her hand into the water and ran her hand along the fin of one of the stingrays swimming by.   
"Come on Madeline..."  
"What if it stings me?"  
"It won't."  
"Its literally in their name."  
Celeste softly chuckled and shook her head as she took Madeline's hand in hers and put them in the water so Madeline could touch the stingray as it swam by. Madeline scrunch her face and laughed. "They're kinda slimy, but soft.."  
"See? Its not that bad."  
"No, its actually kinda cool.."  
They stayed at the stingrays for awhile, laughing and snapping pictures. Celeste was starting to get convinced that it was a date. She knew that Madeline was married so it was a far far stretch, but she also knew that things were different between them. They had always been close friends but their connection was deeper now, more intense. Everything between them seemed special and more meaningful. Each touch, each glance. There was just more between them. Celeste didn't want to come between Madeline and Ed, but she always didn't want to feel like she was crazy. The rest of the night she would gave Madeline a flirtatious touch and comment here and there but let the blonde do the rest. Which she did. Walking through the aquarium, Madeline always had their hands linked together, every now and then her arm would slide around her. To Celeste, it had been a perfect evening.  
Madeline walked Celeste to the door when she brought her back home. The redhead stalled at the door before turning around and facing thee small blonde.  
"I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Madeline, was this date...?"  
"Do you want it to be?"  
"You're a married woman.."  
"That doesn't answer the question."  
"What about Ed?"  
"Do you want tonight to be considered a date? Yes or no."  
"Yes..."  
That was all Madeline needed to hear. Before Celeste could say anything else, Madeline leaned up and clashed their lips together. The sudden move had taken Celeste by surprised but it didn't take long for her to melt into the moment, adding more passion to the kiss. The two women stayed together until they were forced to separate for air. Their forehead rested against one anothers and Madeline ran her fingers through Celeste hair.   
"Madeline..." Celeste said softly, barely a whisper.  
"Don't.." Madeline placed a kiss against her lips reassure her, sensing her worry. "Its okay.."  
Celeste nodded, looking into Madeline's eyes and smiling before kissing her again.


End file.
